This series of eight photographs first captures emotional dysregulation, self-cruelty and suicidal ideation. The next five images show how mindfulness can help lift one from such negative states of being.  
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Deadweight places the reader in the heart and mind of a young adult with a fragile self-identity. The novel's unconventional plot revolves around the personality development of the author, and how he played different characters to shape the desolate emptiness he felt inside. As the story develops, it offers clues as to the underlying forces shaping his depression, delusions and dissociation, and the many other symptoms he experienced. Nick’s life reflects the effects of a warring family, drug use, and early exposure to the occult.

Deadweight represents those on the fringe, who experience psychosis or self-harm, and who often fall through the cracks. For the curious reader, it reveals how trauma and belief can devastate a promising young life.
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​There’s a part of me that remains sane
Undamaged by the blame
A gentle soul with an altruistic goal
Who is not scared of his own shadow 

Image by Christain Supik

​Feeling stressed, Marilyn texts a friend for help. The friend does not respond, and their failure to respond triggers feelings of abandonment. Once again, Marilyn knows deep in her heart that no one can be trusted. For two days the emotions rage and she attempts to ease the storm by slashing her shins, which she hides from the public eye by wearing trousers. And even after her friend texts to say they had their purse stolen, with phone, credit cards and car keys, Marilyn cannot return to baseline. Paranoia sets in. Her friend is obviously lying.

Moonbeam silvers leaves
Sunlight edges waves
Dragon's breath shrouds lofty peaks
Beauty soon swallowed within shadow​

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​Beginning in January 2019, I began a twenty-week a therapy program called Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving, or STEPPS. Each week I undertook a seven-hour round trip, generally with an overnight stay, to attend a session that lasted between one and half to two hours. During this time, life happened: a relationship breakup, a psychotic breakdown and a personal breakthrough. By meeting some very intelligent, interesting and courageous people, I realised I was not alone.

Birch and pine burn. The fire absorbs my gaze, but not the pain. For two months I struggled to maintain emotional balance while my fists struck this hated face. Sleep, so fleeting, confused the days, when reason could no longer constrain paranoia, and friends became threatening, calculating, with hidden agendas. Eventually, I decide to take a chance and trust the one who promised they would be there for me, who could ease the suffering and stop the fists that bludgeon, or close eyes that desire sleep. Why do this on the eve of my starting STEPPS therapy?
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